Writing Strategies
2) This essay matters to others because it expresses that where you come from or who you are can affect you in the future.
3) What I liked most about your essay is how you brought a childhood memory to life.
The main suggestion I have about your essay is to not jump around so much.
4) She gives reasons why she thinks that she lost it. Her point is that she feels like where you come from affects who you are. she thinks she lost it when she said she was concerned with her mother when the judges asked her what her biggest concern was. She also said she lost it the day that she was born.
Exploring Ideas
2) That people with better things/ more opportunities will be more successful. Media has a certain image and if you are not portraying that image then you do not really matter to the world.
3) Everyone high school goes through the same pressure of trying to fit in. They change their image to reflect what they think is the "right" image. They lose friends or gain them by being fake.
Ideas for Writing
1) one disappointing event that I was involved in was this past year on the track team at my high school. It was our last meet and the winner of the meet was going to win the Berkshire County Title. We lost it because the last kid in our 4 x 4 team stopped running when he was on the last corner of the track. The whole team was mad at him and did not talk to him for the rest of the day.
2) A time that i exceeded my own expectation was during one of my track meets. During practice, I would be able to throw the discus pretty far. When it came to meets I would choke and only throw the discus 110'. Well, during this meet I threw the discus 120'8". I was so excited because i was the only kid out of the field team that qualified for western mass. What I got out of it was that with hard work and dedication anything is possible.
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