part two pat nelson

Writing Strategies
1. I think the detail that best works for me would have to be when she is describing her ex-boyfriend. (The cassette tape had been given to me by my Hispanic, juvenile delinquent, just-released-from-young-boy-prison-in-California ex-boyfriend Jim.) I am a big fan of comedic writing and that just seemed to immediately lighten the mood.
2. This essay should matter to people that don't care about pageants because of the point that I think Bosley is trying to get across. Society doesn't look as favorably on being a good person and being truthful as it does beauty and saying what people want to hear. She was most likely the most honest person when answering the "what is your most personal concern?" and it ended up hurting her more than helping her.
3. What I like best about your essay is that no matter what kind of person you are or what your interests are, you can take away a good lesson or point from this. The main suggestion I have for your essay is that you not go off on so many tangents and tell more about the actual pageant and the results.
4. Bosley does deliver on why she lost the pageant in more than one way. She tells us the exact reason (she didn't answer the personal concern question with a "save the rainforest" type answer) and she gives us a more in depth answer. She believes that she lost the contest because of the type of person she is and the type of person she was born as, not because of the requirements to win.

Exploring Ideas
2. Bosley's point speaks to larger issues in the fact that the emotions that she feels during the pageant can be easily correlated to any of the before mentioned areas.
3. Whenever my hockey team went out as a group last year we were forced to wear windsuits and to act extremely proper and polite no matter what the situation. Our owner wanted everyone to think of us as perfect which required us to act differently than our normal personalities.

Ideas For Writing
1. I tried out for a team in the USHL last year and didn't even come close to making it. Even though I was extremely dissapointed it made me realize how much work I had to do to become the player that I wanted to be. So for the rest of the summer I worked extremely hard and it paid off during the next season.
2. After working out and running all last summer I came into training camp in pretty good shape and ended up leading my team in scoring for the season. It made me realize that if I put the work in, I can do very well at a high level.