Homework 9/8 Part Two

Writing Strategies

1. I agree with Kevin when he said that the smaller details, like her address work better. I think that when the author adds more unnecessary details such as the description of the siding on her house, and of her living room, it not only catches the reader's attention but allows the reader to create a visual in their mind. This makes the story more interesting and easier to follow as a reader. Her description of her ex-boyfriend as her "Hispanic, juvenile delinquent, just- released -from-young -boy-prison-in California" and the other kids in the pageant rehearsals, gave an idea of the culture of the environment she lived in.

2. Even though not many people have been in beauty pageants, or something similar, readers can appreciate her story because it expresses her journey trying to achieve something. That basic storyline is something everyone who has ever tried to something can relate to. It takes you step by step through her difficulties trying to make it with her compromising circumstances and negative influences in the media. It also talked about her getting support from her mother and doing whatever it took to try to achieve her dream.

3. What I like most about Bosley's essay was the substance that her descriptions gave and the detail she went into describing what was going on. I think she did a really good job getting the reader to follow exactly what was going on at what times and at keeping their attention. The main suggestion I would have for Bosley is to not give too many examples, like in the last 2 paragraphs of the essay. Or if you give all the examples to break them up into a few more sentences instead of just lists. That would make it easier to read and flow better.

4. Bosley does deliver the answer to the statement that is her title. She not only gives the answers she gave which is why she thinks she lost the pageant- which was because she said her most personal concern was her mother's loneliness- but also the social reasons she lost the contest, which were listed in the entire last paragraph.

Exploring Ideas

2. I think that one of Bosley's points, that mothers shouldn't have these kinds of dreams for their daughters, speaks to general issues because in other kinds of competitions such as sports, music or in whether you want to do something else, it should be your own dream. I think that it says that no one should be influenced by parents or others to accomplish their dream.

3. The first day of high school in any year always seems the same. Probably in any high school, one would find the same thing. Everyone trying to impress everyone else with their schedules and all the clubs and sports they were in. From the first week to the end of the quarter there is usually the pressure to be the best in high school.

Ideas for Writing

1. Before college there was orientation. For my orientation I had to take 2 days off of camp, which I had already been at for 2 weeks. I was up until around 4:30am the night before on 3am duty, and had to leave at 8am to drive from camp to Westfield. When I arrived at orientation everyone was in their best clothes and seemed all set on making the most friends possible. I was in a staff shirt from last summer and a pair of mesh shorts that didn't match. I walked around with a lime green back pack and wearing crocs on my feet. I felt really out of place and that I needed to try harder to look more like an almost college student. I felt embarrassed the entire weekend and that I was not ready to be with all these college kids.

2. This year was my second year as a counselor at camp, and I was one of the maybe 10-15 returning staff members. Most of us were skeptical of how the summer was going to go- since we had so many new staff to train and pull off all the camp magic with. I found out I was in the cabin I requested to be, it was a cabin with 6 counselors and 12 kids; ages 6-11. I was happy about that and found that I was a co-counselor to a best friend of mine who was also returning for her 11th summer. After our pre-camp training, and first session- which was 12 days- we were recognized by members of the admin team as a group of counselors that worked really well together and we received a letter about how good we were doing having only 2 returning counselors and 4 new ones, and that they look forward to seeing what we will do with the rest of the summer. It was really nice to get that letter from respected admin and we ended up hanging it up in our common room for the following 8 weeks.